LRG

"Hey @virginmedia not sure what's wrong here, but I'd like to chat online... "

"⛄ ❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄ ❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄ 🔥🐉🔥🔥🔥🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥 🏰 🔥 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 🐉"

"Is no-one going to mention the sweet alliteration in this headline? Though "Rod Rosenstein resigns after rocky relationship with rampant racist, Ronald Rump", would have nailed it for the lolz. Aaand, now I'm imagining Scooby Doo saying it. "

"#GoT > #Endgame"

"Shit. #DemThrones is TENSE!"

"Might be late, but this is lunch... 🍜 "

"If I could have three wishes for my best friends, they'd be: ❤ A long, happy and healthy life 🌼🐝 A planet for all species 🤖🍞🎪 Fully automated luxury communism for all. You ain't never had a #friendLikeMe "

"I'm assuming his plan to equalise gender disparities in the NHS is to reduce the total staffing to one, poorly paid female 'mega nurse' and have a very very long queue. "

"I don't mean to be rude to anyone else, but @choochoobot is my new favourite bot on Twitter. 🚂🚃🚃🚃 Woo woo!"

"My first 5 jobs: 1. Babysitter 2. Spy for Future publishing (unpaid) 3. Paper round 4. Head lamp assembler 5. Glass collector This is once of those Twitter things, right? "

"Perhaps @GaryLineker can help. I'm not one for footsport, but is it usual to have a '2nd team'? Just asking, as I'm from Leeds. "

"..and you get a bay window, and you get a bay window, and you get a bay window. EVERYONE GETS A BAY WINDOW! 🎉 "

"Something something something, business business. Oh... Wait... It's me, in an alternative sensible universe. "

"Hey - I made you a playlist! "

"How very dare they? The media is not the place for holding power to account, it's the place for fawning adoration of hypocrites, on the off-chance we might get a knighthood or an investment tip. "

""These upstarts, nurse. We should have never allowed the good book to be translated into heathen tongues. Prepare my hair shirt, I'm going to a meeting in the City..." "

"Wow. A Victory. In a war. I hadn't realised I'd been conscripted by either side, as I both cycle AND drive a car. Fuck you @thesundaytimes. If I could not read your rag any harder, I would do so. "

"Update your emojis, kids. They keep you safe. "

"This is seriously lovely work. @ageingandcities @benaustwickart "

" "

"Why is it so f'ing hard for almost every courier company to deliver to my address? Just had the depot at DPD tell me the exact GPS that their driver had been to... yet the driver didn't seem to know he was at the wrong address! This happens every. single. time. #notJustDPD"

" seconds later, an ad finally arrives at my browser, but..."

"Jesus fucking Christ. I was willing to give the whole season 2 of #starTrekDiscovery the benefit of the doubt, but e13 was literally people just standing around tearfully staring through the lens flare. Fuck dark star trek, Fuck sweary, 'sexy' star trek. ToS and TNG FTW."

"Teeth! "

"Meeting Alick after a skillsmatter talk was a pivotal moment for me. Realizing that financial literacy was critical for people of any age. I look forward to my daughter getting her first experience with an @osper card. 💳 ✊ "

"Just because it has the word 'liberal' in it, doesn't make it good kids. Read the nice man's article. "

"Seems appropriate that I'm _tweeting_ this... Just sign pls "

"I call this piece, "Still life, with AT-ATs and the Beatles" "

"Congratulations @StarlingForBiz @StarlingBank , you beat @monzo to it. I'm now going to seriously consider moving my business account away from the execrable @HSBCUKBusiness online service. "

"Find someone that looks at you, the way this museum dummy is looking at that boar 😘🐗 "